You Know How I Know You’re Gay?

So the other day, I came home to a surprise from my girlfriend- HRC bumper stickers!!  I was super excited because I always wanted one, but I’m super lazy and never went out of my way to get my own.  This, I decided, is the closest thing to being a card carrying lesbian that I could possibly be.  This is the card. So it’s official- I’m actually gay now.

Obviously, I’m kidding, but this seems to be a big thing that I’ve been missing on my car for awhile. Peer pressure- everyone else has one, and I don’t! Also, you know, The HRC is an organization fighting for LGBT equal rights, so I’m into supporting them.

Anyways, I was thinking about it, and, whenever you see this sticker on someone’s car, you can almost guarantee that there’s a homo in there.  Not that it’s completely necessary to broadcast to everyone- “HEY I’M A LEZZIE!”, but, as a femme lesbian, it’s really hard for anyone to A)know you’re gay, and B)be taken seriously in the gay community (sometimes).  I was thinking of what other ways you might be able to display your lesbianism without shaving off all your hair and wearing a lot of flannel.

1. Femme Flagging: This is all the dumb.  The idea is that there’s some secret code, like with gay men and their damn hankies in the 70’s.  Each color has some sort of significance to what type of weird shit you’re into, or you can just display your lesbianism by painting a couple fingers a separate color from the rest (get it?- ew).

accent nails

The glitter accent nail I think is code for “straight”

Reasons this is stupid: The “accent nail” trend is totally a thing in straight culture right now.  Whoever is trying to make fetch happen in the lesbian community obviously doesn’t have a Pinterest (understandable) or a Tumblr (what kind of lesbian are you?!) Also, in whose right mind does it make sense for me to paint my nails up to 10 different colors so that I can display my sexual preferences? Dumb.  And who’s going to monitor this code and ensure that everyone knows what color means what? I might as well go buy some fucking sex bracelets.  Let’s bring those  back! -_-

2. I ❤ boobies bracelet: While the rubber bracelet thing might’ve died out with the Livestrong bands, The Keep A Breast Foundation has brought it back with the I ❤ boobies bracelets.  The foundation’s goal is to target younger generations and get them educated early about breast cancer.  The bracelets and other merchandise are great, and again, they go to a great cause.  And I think it’s a really cheeky and cute way to get the conversation started.  But it seems to me that I’ve only seen lesbians wearing these.  In fact, the only reason I knew they existed was because one of my friends was wearing one, and I thought it was clever.  It’s a great way to say ” I’m a lady who likes ladybits, so you should check yourself for breast cancer.  Or I’ll do it for you, because, you know, I’m gay.”

3. Be Direct: When I want my milkshake to bring all the ladies to the yard, I put on this number:

I enjoy vagina coca cola shirt

To the point, and appropriate for all occasions.

What are the ways you try to combat femme invisibility?


7 thoughts on “You Know How I Know You’re Gay?

  1. Pingback: I’m Super Awkward. « Her Gay Agenda

  2. Pingback: Ignorant Shit People Ask Me #1 « Her Gay Agenda

  3. I love this post and especially your shirt!! awesome 🙂 I know it’s a huge cliche, but rainbow stuff is helpful sometimes – like bracelet or necklace or something. Out and proud shirts are great.

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